Fuck Yeah Schwag

Phaseone - True Romance

This song makes me feel like I am an jellyfish floating in a murky green ocean. Just floating peacefully… Until a man catches me and uses my poison to irritate his nips. Mmmm he likes the pain that I inflict upon him and indeed I enjoy being the catalyst of such pain. He moans in ecstasy as my slimy film covers his abdomen and I squirm in delight in the thought of him dying because of my grotesque body mechanics. Die you ignorant sailor. When he is dead I melt into the Earth.

In space, no one can hear the SWAT team knocking.

(via SPACE_LAWYER)

Weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed weed.

Tags: weed text
"The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion."
— Albert Camus
Grower’s Creed
This is my plant. There are many like it, but this one is mine.
My plant is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life.
My plant, without me, is useless. Without my plant, I am useless. I must grow my plant true.

Grower’s Creed

This is my plant. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

My plant is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life.

My plant, without me, is useless. Without my plant, I am useless. I must grow my plant true.

"When I heard the learn’d astronomer,
When the proofs, the figures, were ranged in columns before me,
When I was shown the charts and diagrams, to add, divide, and measure them,
When I sitting heard the astronomer where he lectured with much applause in the lecture-room,
How soon unaccountable I became tired and sick,
Till rising and gliding out I wander’d off by myself,
In the mystical moist night-air, and from time to time,
Look’d up in perfect silence at the stars."
— Walt Whitman

There are on earth, and always were, thirty-six righteous men whose mission is to justify the world before God. They are the Lamed Wufniks. They do not know each other and are very poor. If a man comes to the knowledge that he is a Lamed Wufnik, he immediately dies and somebody else, perhaps in another part of the world, takes his place. Lamed Wufniks are, without knowing it, the secret pillars of the universe. Were it not for them, God would annihilate the whole of mankind. Unawares, they are our saviors.

(from the Book of Imaginary Beings)

Here is my simple cannabutter recipe.

  1. Set up a double boiler.
  2. Melt butter.
  3. Mix weed with melted butter.
  4. Wait 30 minutes. Stir occasionally.
  5. Strain butter.
  6. Put it in the fridge.
  7. SUCCESS!

Pro tips:

  • Using a double boiler means the butter won’t overheat and burn your herbs.
  • You can use stems, leaves and shake instead of buds.
  • Don’t use moldy or contaminated weed.
  • Don’t eat the butter with a spoon.
  • The more you cook it the greener the butter will be. It will also taste worse.
  • Cooking for only 20-30 min should do it. You can try less.
  • You can save the strained herb and throw it in your next batch of cannabutter along with the fresh herb. Only if you don’t cook it for hours though.
  • I usually do about 5 grams of herb per stick of butter (100 grams). Then a 10-gram portion of butter has 0.5 grams of herb in it. Adjust for your situation.
  • Keep in mind that the butter will lose water weight in the double boiler.

Eating the last of my cannabutter on a slice of bread. Browse tumblr a bit until it starts kicking in. Then I’ll watch the new Wilfred episode.

accidentally bought 4.20 worth of bread and stuff.

Stoner Achievements
(10) What are Those Goddamn Animals! - Go to the zoo stoned. 
(10) The Viking - Smoke up on any manpowered watercraft. 
(10) Problem Officer? - Talk to an officer of the law while high.
(10) Smart Shopper - Go into a grocery store baked and don’t buy anything.
(10) Sacred Ground - Smoke weed in Amsterdam. 
(10) Raise and Blaze Weekdays - Wake and bake every day for a week. 
(10) Pwnerer - Beat all your friends at a video game while baked. 
(10) Native Waters - As an adult, return to and smoke in your childhood home. 
(10) Higher Learning - Go to college lectures baked. 
(10) Battle of Wills - Smoke somebody out until they can’t keep smoking. 
(10) Iron Chef - Cook a full meal for several people while baked. 
(15) Housekeeping - Clean your entire home while high.
(15) Flower Power - Successfully roll and smoke a Tulip joint.
(15) The Early Bird - Wake and bake every day for a month. 
(15) Reefer Fiend - Smoke more than ten joints in a day. 
(15) Doin the Flobot - Ride down the biggest hill in town, no handlebars, stoned out of your mind. 
(15) Diversify - Smoke in a circle with at least five people of different nationalities. 
(15) A Walk in the Park - Smoke a joint in a heavily populated park without getting caught.
(15) Day Walker - Smoke outside in public during the day. 
(15) The Body of Christ - Successfully roll and smoke a cross joint. 
(20) All Day, Baby… All Day - Roll enough joints to continuously smoke marijuana for an entire day.
(20) Bloodshot - Get an ID photo taken while high. Bonus points if it’s an official document
(20) The Professor - Deliver a lecture while stoned. 
(30) IMDB - Watch 420 movies while high. 
(50) Heavyweight Champion- Consume your birthweight in weed. 
(50) Bein’ the Boss - Receiving fellatio/cunnilingus while rolling a joint. 
(50) Joint Genocidist - Smoke 5,359 joints.
I have unlocked too many of these. See more here: Huge list of stoner achievements

Stoner Achievements

  • (10) What are Those Goddamn Animals! - Go to the zoo stoned.
  • (10) The Viking - Smoke up on any manpowered watercraft.
  • (10) Problem Officer? - Talk to an officer of the law while high.
  • (10) Smart Shopper - Go into a grocery store baked and don’t buy anything.
  • (10) Sacred Ground - Smoke weed in Amsterdam.
  • (10) Raise and Blaze Weekdays - Wake and bake every day for a week.
  • (10) Pwnerer - Beat all your friends at a video game while baked.
  • (10) Native Waters - As an adult, return to and smoke in your childhood home.
  • (10) Higher Learning - Go to college lectures baked.
  • (10) Battle of Wills - Smoke somebody out until they can’t keep smoking.
  • (10) Iron Chef - Cook a full meal for several people while baked.
  • (15) Housekeeping - Clean your entire home while high.
  • (15) Flower Power - Successfully roll and smoke a Tulip joint.
  • (15) The Early Bird - Wake and bake every day for a month.
  • (15) Reefer Fiend - Smoke more than ten joints in a day.
  • (15) Doin the Flobot - Ride down the biggest hill in town, no handlebars, stoned out of your mind.
  • (15) Diversify - Smoke in a circle with at least five people of different nationalities.
  • (15) A Walk in the Park - Smoke a joint in a heavily populated park without getting caught.
  • (15) Day Walker - Smoke outside in public during the day.
  • (15) The Body of Christ - Successfully roll and smoke a cross joint.
  • (20) All Day, Baby… All Day - Roll enough joints to continuously smoke marijuana for an entire day.
  • (20) Bloodshot - Get an ID photo taken while high. Bonus points if it’s an official document
  • (20) The Professor - Deliver a lecture while stoned.
  • (30) IMDB - Watch 420 movies while high.
  • (50) Heavyweight Champion- Consume your birthweight in weed.
  • (50) Bein’ the Boss - Receiving fellatio/cunnilingus while rolling a joint.
  • (50) Joint Genocidist - Smoke 5,359 joints.

I have unlocked too many of these. See more here: Huge list of stoner achievements

A massive, six county marijuana eradication operation aimed at ridding the Mendocino National Forest of illegal pot cultivation is in full swing, Mendocino County officials have confirmed.

As of Monday, the multi-agency law enforcement operation had yielded about 292,000 plants and 77 arrests, said Michelle Gregory, a Department of Justice spokeswoman.

(via pressdemocrat)

(more from Sneaky Leaf’s diary here)

The first time I smoked pot right before sex was in college with my girlfriend. I didn’t know shit about herb then and didn’t know what strain my girlfriend was repeatedly loading into her one-hitter.


In retrospect, it was definitely some average “B-ster” sativa—the shift in consciousness from the weed was really subtle, mostly ‘cause it was cheap, low-grade shit that was light even for a total lightweight novice, which I was at the time. I think my girlfriend was experimenting with me, seeing what it would be like screwing this totally inexperienced dork who had only recently tried pot for the first time—I know, I’m a late bloomer. But my girl’s shitty pot opened up my brain in such a clear and lucid way that I just naturally fell into a kind of “zone,” for lack of a better term, and definitely achieved a level of sexual stamina that I was never capable of before I had ever smoked weed. I didn’t even realize until after we both came. I could tell she was surprised and delighted with the results of her experiments of weeding out her novice fuck buddy. I wasn’t any dynamo, really, but it was a noticeable improvement!

I was pretty convinced from the get-go that ganja was an aphrodisiac, but opinion varies widely on this issue. I have an acquaintance that firmly believes that longterm weed smoking dramatically reduces sex drive. I am sure that’s very true for some people. However, for myself, I have smoked all day, almost every day, for 19 years, and I am horny as fuck. They say the same about Willie Nelson, and he’s still a love machine after 50 years of daily weed smoking! You’re an inspiration, Willie!

I have made several weed deliveries to porn sets. One of my clients is a makeup artist. She works freelance, mainly for fashion, but occasionally she gets booked doing makeup for porn shoots. Yeah, there are some being made right here in New York. Each of the three times I have visited the porn production people their set stank super skunky. My makeup artist friend cracks up hysterically ‘cause she can see I’m excited about my work today—it shows through my pants. She picks up three boxes of Head Band to share with two of the girls. Head Band is Sour Diesel crossed with Master Kush—ultra stony shit. A pound of Head Band is one of the few that can surpass Sour Diesel and O.G. Kush in terms of pricing.

I’m not supposed to be there, at the set, so I only get a quick glimpse of two hideous dudes holding a video camera and an extra microphone over this ultra-luscious girl with a Ken doll-looking guy’s cock deep in her ass. Aside from the ugly dudes, there was another guy taking still shots for posters and DVD cover images. They would stay in penetration but temporarily stop the motion and do a series of poses under the photographer’s direction. A bunch of still-shot light bulb flashes, more direction, and back to real-time fucking. The girl is awesome, what a pro! My friend tells me that out of eleven people on the set, everyon smokes weed except one guy. I guess that’s some kind of endorsement for marijuana’s reputed powers of arousal. I definitely get a lot of clients who buy weed from me either shortly before they fuck, or right after. There is that familiar look: the clothes just thrown on in a hurry and the “Oh hey, I just washed my hands,” so there’s the elbow-to-elbow greeting. Or clients will just outright tell me the weed they are acquiring is for a special evening with their girl- or boyfriend.

I do notice though that a lot of girls seem to prefer alcohol to weed as a sex stimulant. I’m really curious about the readers’ perspective on this. It makes sense to me. If you are about to either alter your life or possibly ruin it with either birth, disease, or just the eternal nature of love that might come as a result of fucking someone, the neuro-depressant dissociating, blurred nature of alcohol may be preferred over the luminescent, neuro-stimulating marijuana; the former might illuminate those unfortunate ugly realities and spoil the party before it gets started.

Just ate some cannabutter on a slice of bread with jam. Yum. But now I can’t wait for it to kick in.

  • Trust me dude, we won’t get pulled over.
  • Money doesn’t grow on trees.
  • Just tell us where the dope is and it will make things easier for you.
  • Don’t be a pussy, this guy seems legit.
  • ___ is better than weed.
  • Chill out man, fire kills mold.

Got some of your own?